The Ceremony, The Reception, The Compromise

My fiance and I come from slightly different backgrounds. I was baptized as an infant, raised going to church every Sunday and as I got older, continue to go to church every once in awhile. My fiance was not baptized, didn’t go to church and isn’t thrilled about the idea of getting married in the church.

Having the ceremony in the church is important to me, but I didn’t really have a preference for the reception. My fiance had his heart set on an old Scottish hunting lodge that only holds 60 people. So we made a deal; I get the church, he gets the lodge. We’re compromising already!

And today I’m gearing up for another compromise. We’ve booked the lodge, and today I’m going to my church to make sure it’s available for our date, but my church has a new minister who I don’t know very well. My heart is set on having our previous minister perform our ceremony. He left when our congregation couldn’t afford a full time minister; so we now share one with another parish. But as a wedding is, obviously, a very personal affair, I would really like to have a minister who I know marry us.

Hopefully this won’t be an issue, and hopefully the church will be available for the date we’ve booked the lodge for. Keep your fingers crossed!

The Gown – Is The First One Always The One?

Yesterday afternoon I went dress shopping with my mom, sister (maid of honour) and niece (junior bridesmaid). I know, I know, so soon? I have so much time, I’m already looking at dresses?! Yup. I like to get things done. And, well, trying on pretty bridal gowns? Why put it off?!

I have tried on a few wedding dresses in my day; a few years ago my mom and I went into a bridal store and tried some on, just for fun. But this was a whole new experience. That day I was just trying them on for fun, I wasn’t really paying attention to different styles or shades of white. This time though, well, things were different! The stakes were a bit higher!

I made an appointment at the Bridal Gallery in New Westminster and made my way there with my sister and niece in tow, with my mom to meet us after work. We started out by looking at some bridesmaid dresses and accessories, then made our way to the bridal gowns.

The Bridal Gallery is a lovely store. They have couches for friends and family to sit on, the consultants are very friendly and know what styles will look good on your body type, ditto with colour, and it was an all around pleasant experience.

Now, the gowns! We made our way to the dresses around my size; some smaller, some larger, some just right. I saw the side of a dress and immediately loved the look of the skirt. I grabbed it (even though it was about four sizes too small!) and said I had to try it on. I grabbed a few others I liked the look of, as did my mom and sister, and the consultant picked a couple she thought would look good on me.

Into the first dress I saw. Wow. It was amazing. It had lace and a little beading, with a kind of tiered skirt. It was very whimsical and romantic. And even with it being too small I could still see how it would look as it had a lace up back. With one glance in the mirror I was in love. And then I looked at the price tag. And fell out of love. $1600! A little steep for my budget. And that was before the cost of alterations, as well as taxes. I had planned on looking at dresses around $1000.

Out of that one and into the next. We compared every dress to that one, and throughout the whole process in the Bridal Gallery I was still convinced I wanted that dress. I tried on others; ones with lace, traditional poufy skirts, more fitted styles, white ones, ivory ones, light gold ones. But even after all of those dresses I still wanted the first one.

My sister bought her dress from the Bridal Gallery. And it was the first dress she tried on. First store, first dress. And the consultant was saying how so many brides buy the first dress they try. Was I going to be the same kind of bride?

Now, the Bridal Gallery has some package prices, where if you buy your bridesmaid dresses at the store there are discounts. The same with if the groom and groomsmen rent their tuxes or suits from their mens section. So I was doing the math in my head trying to figure out it we got everything from the same store, what the dress would come to. Still not do-able. Not to mention, the groom would probably freak if I said I spent that much money on a dress!

We left the Bridal Gallery and went to grab a snack at a coffee shop and discuss the dress. Everybody loved it, especially my niece, but we decided we had to keep looking. It was only the first day of shopping, after all! So we wandered next door to Lisa’s Bridal, where I didn’t have an appointment. They managed to squeeze me in and off we went.

The consultant explained how all of the dresses were organized; lace, destination, traditional, sizes, and then pointed out a sale rack. These dresses were no longer being made by the designers, so they were all discounted, and were sold off the rack; no ordering new ones. Off I went again, trying on gowns.

This store started off a little difficult, as I had grabbed a few dresses that I loved the look of, but were a bit too small (and by a bit I mean a lot!). I had to get my mom’s help to get out of a couple! Then I grabbed one that the consultant had picked and tried it on. Hmmm, this one was good! (Now, I can’t go into too much detail, because the groom can’t find out anything about my dress!) I came out and stood on the little pedestal and looked. And looked. And looked some more. The dress was fabulous! Throw on a veil and I looked like a bride!

At the same time that I was trying on dresses at Lisa’s there was another girl trying on dresses in another dressing room. She had found her dress and was thrilled. The consultant told me that it was the first dress she had tried and she had decided to purchase it. Another bride, another first dress.

As we all stared at my dress for a few minutes the consultant informed us that this was one of the sale dresses, and was 25% off. Fabulous! And they had a promotion going on this month where you get a veil, up to $200, free with the purchase of a dress. Even better! So we hummed and hawed and talked about the dress. Was it the one? Did it compare to the first dress at the other store?

Well, at about half the price (with the veil as well!), it definitely compared. The only thing was that since it was on the sale rack, I had to purchase it then, or risk it being gone when I came back. So then came the discussion. Will I find a better dress at such a good price? It it even worth it to continue looking? We decided no, to both questions. Wrap it up, sold!

This means I did not buy my first dress. It appears to be pretty common with bridal gowns that the first one is the one. Am I one of the few brides that didn’t follow that tradition?

Announcing an Engagement – Is Facebook The New Newspaper?

As I am recently engaged I have been completely overwhelmed with everything that myself and my fiance have to do in the next 15 months. My first thing to do was to buy a wedding organizer; a handy little book that breaks down everything you need to do into sections. The ceremony, budget, reception, music, etc… This organizer also has everything broken down into timelines; 12 months before, 9-12 months before, 6-9 months before, and so on, until you get to the big day, and even the morning after brunch/gift opening and honeymoon.

The first thing to do, apparently, is to announce the engagement. Now, this made me wonder. How exactly do people announce engagements? We told our parents and siblings, called grandparents and a few aunts and uncles. We told our closest friends. And we changed our facebook relationship status to “engaged”. Is this announcing an engagement? Does changing our relationship status on the internet count as an “announcement”?

I know that back in the day (read: my parents era!) people announced an engagement by publishing an announcement in their local newspapers. Some people would even have their parents publish an announcement in the newspapers in their former towns. These announcements ensured that anyone and everyone who were acquaintances or more of the future bride and groom would be informed of the pending nuptials.

Now, I did look at the Sunday Province this week, because I know that they publish announcements; whether they be engagement, wedding, graduation, birthdays, etc… I remember when I was younger looking at these “celebration” pages, and there were pages. At least three or four. Today’s Province had one page. And not even a full page. About three quarters of the page had announcements, and the rest was an ad. It’s almost as if people don’t want to publicly announce their good news anymore.

But isn’t facebook public? Anything you put on your page is visible to all of your “friends”, along with whoever else can view your information. But changing your facebook relationship status seems to be the way to do it. It’s the quickest and easiest way to let the people in your life know that you are now “engaged to so and so”.

Although you are putting this news out there to all of your “friends” I still find it very impersonal. All you are doing is clicking a button on your computer and informing everyone about your news. Written wedding announcements take a little bit of time and planning. You have to pick the wording, choose a picture if you want one, figure out where you want it published and (if you want) let people know to watch for it. I think that when you see the engagement announcement come out you will feel proud of it because you put some work into it. I know it’s not a lot of work, but it’s more work then just clicking a button!

Then there is also the worry that people might actually be upset to find out via facebook that their friends or family are engaged. I didn’t want my fiance and I to change our status until we had personally told the people who are very important to us. I didn’t want people who are close to us to find out this big news until we had told them. Maybe I over-think things and this didn’t really matter, but it did to me.

I know a couple who got engaged at a restaurant over dinner. As soon as she said yes they both whipped out their phones and logged onto facebook. They didn’t even call their parents first! I understand the excitement, but I also wouldn’t want my parents to find our via my public profile! I almost find it inconsiderate to not personally tell the people that matter the most to you.

But this leads me to believe that the way to announce an engagement in the 21st century is actually to change your facebook relationship status. And it makes me a little sad because it’s almost like another great tradition has gone by the wayside due to technology. What’s next? Am I going to buy my wedding dress online? (Never!)